Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
