You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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