the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
