I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
