I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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