Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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