I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
