i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
