6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
