I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
