I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just had sex on a roof
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
