Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Please don't give away my fajitas
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
