Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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