Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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