I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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