my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
