She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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