I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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