We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
