if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
