I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
