You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
