Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
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He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
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I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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