so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
