i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
