HIV tests are more positive than that guy
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
