Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
