i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Randomize
