What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
