Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
