the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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