As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
