he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
