I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
