I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
