last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So much rum. So many feels.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
as a side note pls kill me
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
