Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
