i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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