So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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