I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
