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I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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