I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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