hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
