people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
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You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
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Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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