I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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