My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
