why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
