if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
