I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
