Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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