put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
