my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
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