I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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