i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
