remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
