If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
