you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
