ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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