just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
