Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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