I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
