I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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