The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
