I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
