Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
