I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
