It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
