He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
