So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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